Marriages translate into a lot of changes (from what I have personally experienced and observed). You share your life with someone and with that come a lot of lifestyle changes. As if your own relatives are not enough, you get tagged with so many more others. God only knows how will be ever able to remember all of them :).
But these changes are something which come gradually and are very much acceptable. These are the kind of compromised and adjustments that happen with friends and roomies also. And they happen from both sides, so its ok.
The kind of change that bothers me a lot, is the drastic change that one partner goes through while the other just refuses to be a part of it. If you have watched SATC, I am talking about what Charlotte did. She was ready to give up her beliefs and her complete religion to convert and be with the man she loved. He refused to marry any girl unless she was a Jew, so Charlotte goes through all the pain of changing herself. I also remember a conversation in office about a colleagues cousin and his fiancee, where the fiancee was ready to have a Christian wedding but the groom refused to even come if there was a Hindu ceremony. And the lady was still ok to go ahead with the marriage and spend her life with that man.
The point being, while I understand that in love you make a lot of compromises,adjustments, etc etc; but changing your whole value system, beliefs, religion and everything you have grown up to be! Especially when the other person does not reciprocate the same (yes we are humans and give&take works everywhere and with everyone), is it really something that will last long? And does this whole change that you go through represent strength of character or weakness of your character?? For me its a very very easy foundatoin for any fight....I did this for you what did you do....
And giving up so much might be easy for sometime, but what about the long run. How do you go about bringing about your children and what do you teach them? Your old beliefs, new beliefs, someone else's beliefs.....
Do you have any answers..........
But these changes are something which come gradually and are very much acceptable. These are the kind of compromised and adjustments that happen with friends and roomies also. And they happen from both sides, so its ok.
The kind of change that bothers me a lot, is the drastic change that one partner goes through while the other just refuses to be a part of it. If you have watched SATC, I am talking about what Charlotte did. She was ready to give up her beliefs and her complete religion to convert and be with the man she loved. He refused to marry any girl unless she was a Jew, so Charlotte goes through all the pain of changing herself. I also remember a conversation in office about a colleagues cousin and his fiancee, where the fiancee was ready to have a Christian wedding but the groom refused to even come if there was a Hindu ceremony. And the lady was still ok to go ahead with the marriage and spend her life with that man.
The point being, while I understand that in love you make a lot of compromises,adjustments, etc etc; but changing your whole value system, beliefs, religion and everything you have grown up to be! Especially when the other person does not reciprocate the same (yes we are humans and give&take works everywhere and with everyone), is it really something that will last long? And does this whole change that you go through represent strength of character or weakness of your character?? For me its a very very easy foundatoin for any fight....I did this for you what did you do....
And giving up so much might be easy for sometime, but what about the long run. How do you go about bringing about your children and what do you teach them? Your old beliefs, new beliefs, someone else's beliefs.....
Do you have any answers..........
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1 comment:
A good point made.....infact I strongly believe that the girl loses her individuality and identity after the marriage....be it love or arranged.....women species is made to compromise...whatever it is....so guess have to live with this fact to make the wedding life happy :)
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